I read a quote once that said,”Parenting is like looking both ways before you cross the road and then getting hit by an airplane.” In his freshman year of high school we started noticing some unsettling behavior in our oldest son. He had always been happy and easy going, so we thought his new behavior was a result of teenage growing pains. We read and did everything we could to try and help him navigate this new phase of life. But we quickly realized that he needed more help than we could provide so we took him to a professional. The diagnosis – Depression and ADD. The solution – hospitalization. That was the moment I was hit by the airplane while crossing the road!
How could I have missed the signs? I had failed my son. Rationally I know this is not my fault, but this has changed me. I look back through his childhood and think “what could I have done differently? Where did I go wrong?” I second guess my abilities with my other children. I feel like a failure. Even now that he is managing his diagnosis and thriving at work and school, I still panic and look both ways anytime he has a bad day…I can’t survive another airplane crash.
I have felt isolated at times, in part because I want more than anything to protect my son, but also because mental and emotional illness is still so invisible. People don’t understand it.
I would want other parents going through something similar to know that this is not a death sentence. It can be managed and your children can still live happy productive lives. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and keep the communication open between you and your child.